I have been parenting boys for almost 18 years and I have enjoyed every pee laden, penis talking, fart filled day. If you have a son, I know you will be able to relate to the things I’ve listed below. Enjoy.
1. Dirty socks are strewn about your house like glitter.
2. At least daily you say something innocent that reduces them to snort laden laughter. “I just bought balls last week.”
3. Your monthly grocery budget is larger than most people’s mortgage.
4. You’ve said, “Axe body spray is not a shower,” while driving in 30 degree weather with all the car windows down.
5. The first person on your speed dial list is your orthopedic doctor.
6. You look back on their lives in phases. Phase One: Peed on you. Phase Two: Peed on the wall. Phase Three: Peed on and around the toilet. And? You are hoping that someday you will mark a phase: “Peed in the toilet.” (I’m still waiting.)
7. You’ve burned your nose hairs off doing the smell test on a pair of boxers.
8. You have screamed obscenities that would make Satan blush while digging a Lego out of your foot.
10. You’ve carried on a conversation with the UPS guy while your son peed in the yard three feet away.
11. If unclogging toilets was an Olympic event, you would have a Gold Medal.