Something has been bothering me for almost one year. Can you guess what it is? I bet you can. Its wedding gift etiquette. After I got married there were a small handful of people that all went out of their way to contact me and ask for my address. They all said, “I have something in the mail for you.”
Some were family, some were friends, most actually attended the wedding. And none of the gifts ever came. I was kinda shocked by this. Why would anyone go out of their way to contact me, make a gesture, and then not send anything? If it is to save face and look good, I’d rather they just didn’t say anything. Good intentions gone bad, I get it. Did they just forget? If so, whatever, it happens. I figured they all just forgot. In my mind, the empty gestures were revealing though. Its kinda like when someone says, “Oh, I’m so busy. I’m so busy.” They are busy, too busy for you. People are never too busy to make effort when it’s a priority to them. C’mon, let’s just all own it. We’ve all done it. Be it getting out of lunch with someone who isn’t that important to us. Or just finding an excuse to get off FB when someone instant messages you and you aren’t that close. It happens. We all have times when we are too busy.
So aside from some mild anxiety; wondering if I had horrible luck and all the gifts were lost in the mail and I looked like a big, ungrateful jerk for not sending a thank you note, I let it go. THEN, days before my 1 year anniversary, I heard my house sitter (while were were on our honeymoon) admitted to being a kleptomaniac. Do I know if its true? Not one hundred percent. But did other things disappear from our home and did we end the relationship with the said house sitter on a really bad note? Yes. Suddenly it all clicked. Not only had our house sitter lost my dog, the house-sitter could have intercepted the last of the wedding gifts too! How will I ever know for sure?
So riddle me this moms… How on earth do I deal with this Ms. Manners nightmare??? Is there a way to find out if the people actually sent the gifts without being rude and making them feel on the spot? Because it’s not about the stuff. To me, it’s more about feeling terrible about the thank you notes. Have I fretted over the thank you notes! But if they didn’t send the gift, I am putting them in a bad position, with the glaring spotlight on their oops. Do I tell them, “Oh hey, you know that gift you sent, I never got it. My house sitter turned out to be a criminal.” Because that won’t feel good for them either. To me this is a lose, lose situation. I mean its a etiquette question for the pro’s.
SO HELP ME MOMS. How would you deal with it?
1. Ignore it and assume they never sent gift and it’s all good.
2. Confront the situation and explain why, 1 year later I am making everyone uncomfortable asking about gifts.
3. INSERT YOUR ANSWER HERE…
Because honestly, I have no idea how to deal with this. And there is NO WAY, I’m asking the house sitter from Hell, because that is one relationship I have not missed AT ALL. And what are the odds I’d get the truth or an itemized list of who and what was sent anyways. Let’s face it. The odds are None.