We know that some of you like to share every bit of your life through your Facebook status updates. We’re truly happy that you ate a pot pie for dinner. Gross carrots and all. We’re sorry that you’re laying in bed wide awake at 2:00 am. It’s likely we are too. We’re sure the documentary you watched on PBS about grasshoppers’ mating habits was fascinating. Oh, and of course, we LOVE hearing all of your political opinions. Maybe we don’t actually LOVE these posts, but we don’t actually HATE them. They are a bit of the sadistic charm of Facebook. Keep on sharing.
That said, below are things you should NEVER share on Facebook. And we are frightened by the number of people who do.
1. Your feet. Not even right after a pedicure. I know this is hard to believe, but no one cares and no one wants to see your feet. No one.
2. Anything swollen, bruised or bleeding. Just no. We are sorry you are hurt. We don’t want to see it.
3. Discussion of any substance that comes out of your butt. The fact that we actually have to put this in writing is more than slightly horrifying.
4. Rashes. These are for you and your doctor to figure out. We aren’t doctors. We can’t tell you what your rash is. We get itchy and gaggy. Please go to the doctor and use the side entrance.
5. Anything having to do with your menstrual cycle. We know that it’s natural and just part of being a woman. Is publicly announcing the strength of your flow really moving feminism forward?
6. Your kid puked and you can see what she had for dinner? That sound you hear is your Facebook followers dry heaving.
7. Pimples, zits and blackheads. Yes we all get them occasionally, but we don’t need close up pictures of your almost ready to pop zit.
What else would you add to this list?