1. You’re broke.
2. You say, “Why don’t you go hang out with your friends,” and they continue to stare at the computer screen and mumble, “I am.”
3. You use car keys like dog treats.
4. You have not one, but five drawers filled with power cords. (99% of which you no longer own the electronic device it charges.)
5. You now realize a sleepless baby was the easy part.
6. You live this truth: “When your kids are babies you want to eat them up. When they are teens, you wish you had.”
7. You speak like this, “IDK WTF your friends do…”
8. You need a hazmat suit to enter their bedroom.
9. 90% of the words that come out of your mouth have to be repeated after you flail your arms around to get their attention and they remove their headphones.
10. Talking about sex and alcohol used to be fun.
11. You use all the quotes your parents used, and though it makes your ears bleed to hear them coming out of your mouth, you just can’t help yourself.
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