I am fully aware that there is no real reset in life. Nothing magical happens the second the clock strikes midnight and a new year appears.
What does happen is that it provides hope of change. It allows us to take stock and reset. I set my focus in 2014 on giving back, finally finishing my second book and my family.
Two out of three ain’t bad as they say.
As for the book…I will be rolling that into 2015.
My compass for last year was set in the direction of giving back and give back I did. My year started with me working to feed the homeless and it ended with us moving our dear friend’s daughter into our home as she had gotten on the wrong train and was headed down some very dark tracks. She needed a place to recover and heal and moved in with us and is doing amazing.
The months in between were filled with finding daily ways to give back to someone around me. Carrying and loading groceries for an elderly woman, giving $20 to the homeless man begging on the corner, sending a note to someone letting them know I admire them and why. Every day I sought ways to be kinder and provide more. I loved this side of myself in 2014 and I am looking forward to continuing it in 2015.
My marriage and my children were a constant focus as always and defined most of what I was in 2014. There were ups and downs. My Facebook page chronicles all of the ups. My tears, stress induced neck issues, lack of sleep and over drinking of wine chronicle the reality. It was an emotionally stressful year as we dealt with some very significant issues. The kind that render you publicly silent as they aren’t your story to tell but in desperate need of someone to hug you and tell you it’s all going to be ok someday soon even if you can’t see it yourself. Every time I picked myself up off the ground another truck came speeding ’round the bend and ran my hopeful ass over again.
Raising teens is a lonely business when most of your friends have younger children and the support group you have built is public and online. While things are on the mend, I only sort of jokingly tell my husband I have PTSD from this year. I am trying to find joy, release the fear and stop living my every hour in a constant state of panic and worry.
Which brings me to taking stock and setting the direction of my compass for 2015.
My wise eight year old woke me up yesterday morning by whispering, “Mom I wrote something for you,” in my ear.
I put on the pretend smile I perfected in 2014, stumbled out of bed and headed for the coffee pot.
“Are you ready he asked?” while riding his scooter in circles around the kitchen as I stared at the coffee pot willing it to brew faster.
Coffee and milk finally in cup, I turned toward Colt and prepared myself to gush over some post it note with “I love you” written on it. “Lead me to your note,” I said.
I followed him to the chalkboard in our entry way. We use it to announce the holidays or welcome visitors into our home. He was apparently using it to send a message today.
This is what it read:
Notice the small note in the left corner of the quote: “Take this advice mom.”
I looked from the board to my sweet little boy and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I exhaled. Then I hugged him and I cried.
Then I took stock.
2015 will find me putting my focus on:
1. Giving back just as I did last year. Nothing fills the soul more than helping those in need.
2. I am committed to finishing the book this year. I brought on a partner last month to ensure it happens.
3. I will continue to focus on family as it is the most important thing in my life.
BUT…this year I am adding something extremely significant that I forgot last year. Something my eight year old saw so clearly and I was drowning in a lack of.
4. In 2015 I will focus on ME as well. On my own well being both physically and spiritually. I have become uninteresting. I don’t stretch myself mentally. I haven’t challenged myself in years to do things outside of my comfort zone. To do the kinds of things that make you proud of yourself, that fill your heart and remind you that you are capable of anything you set your mind to.
I bought myself a journal.The real kind with actual paper that requires a pen. I feel like a rebel. This year when we moved into our new home I came across and read through many of my journals from ages 25 – 30. At 40 something it is both fascinating and horrifying to read my thoughts about life as a 20 year old.
It is my goal to write in my journal every day in 2015. I wonder what my 60 year old self will think of my 40 year old self? I used to to write in my diary everyday before I started boring all of you by journaling my “perfect life” on Facebook. I loved it and I miss it and I am excited to get back to it. Writing just for myself. An interesting concept I had completely forgotten existed.
I am committed to finding adventures in 2015. Hikes that challenge me physically and mentally. Yoga retreats perhaps. Traveling to a foreign country and helping those in need. I haven’t completely mapped it out. I’ll get there over the next month. What I do know is I need to stretch my horizons, learn to fear less and live more and find a way to become interesting again.
This quote, along with the one from Colt above will be my guiding force this year.
You can check out my Pinterest board titled, “Inspiring”, if you need some quotes. Happy 2015!