When your kids are little you can openly discuss things about them with other moms. There are no negative ramifications on your child’s social life or your relationship with your them. Hell you can even do it publicly as the blogosphere has proven for years. Potty training, crying it out, when to start solids, how to help little Billy stop hitting kids in class or even worse *gasp* biting, my kid sucks at Common Core, my child hates to read. It’s all fair game. No harm no foul.
When your kids hit puberty that all changes. You still desperately need to have conversations with other moms. Even more so. With drugs, sex, alcohol, peer pressure, mean girls, driving and curfews becoming your new norm, YOU NEED SOMEONE TO NAVIGATE THIS WITH. You need additional eyes on your child and you need to keep your eyes alert for other parents’ teens. You need to be able to talk with other parents about this tricky thing called parenting teens. Now however, having those conversations with other parents can absolutely affect your child’s life and your relationship with your them. Severely.
Enter The Mom Code.
I have had many conversations with moms over the years that were in confidence and were either to protect my child, share information about our children getting into trouble together or sharing information that I knew to be true about their child. Almost always that information has been kept in confidence as the moms understand the code and want to protect this valuable parenting tool. It takes a village as they say and watching out for each other’s children during the teens years and sharing stories is the greatest way to stay one step ahead of our kids.
On a few occasions however, helping someone else has gotten me punched square in my parenting chops. My sons have been furious with me and their friends have been furious with him. All that work building trust and conversation with your child is shattered and you slowly have to rebuild the single most valuable parenting tool you have. I am not the only one losing here. The parent who went against the Mom Code has now lost other’s watching out for her child as we moms will make sure other moms are aware that she is a Mom Code breaker and not trustworthy.
The Mom Code is to be abided by at all costs. We need each other. We cannot afford to throw one another under the party bus. We all hear things. We all know things. We are all going through a similar situation. We are here to help each other get our children safely through this topsy turvy journey of parenting teens.
There is only one rule and it’s simple.
It is absolutely not ok to EVER divulge where you get information. All details must be withheld that would lead to a specific person. If you are given information, use it to better your situation, but absolutely NEVER use it in a way that would hinder the relationship between another mother and her child. It was shared with you because someone cared enough about you and your child to get involved. Making them suffer for helping is unacceptable. Do the right thing. Follow the Mom Code.