I know you’re thinking it, so I don’t need to actually hear the words come out of your mouth. Normally, I’ll be polite and give you a simple little answer, but know that in my head I’m thinking you’re an ass and have a much less polite answer for you.
1. Did you plan on having a kid at your age?
Polite answer: Well, no, this was an oops.
What I really want to say: Thank you for pointing out my age. Obviously, I’m an idiot who doesn’t know how birth control works.
2. How many more of those kids are you going to pop out?
Polite answer: This should be it.
What I really want to say: 78 more because I like numbers that are divisible by 9. Seriously with this question?
3. I’m glad mine are older and I don’t have to do the baby thing again.
Polite answer: A polite smile.
What I really want to say: Really? That’s odd because my favorite thing is sleepless nights and baby poop.
4. How old will you be when they graduate high school?
Polite answer: Hopefully they’ll keep me young.
What I really want to say: Come on now. You and I both know I’ll be lucky to live that long.
5. Have you had to take those tests for “mature” moms?
Polite answer: Yes, I’ve had a few extra needles this time.
What I really want to say: Yes and I want to stab you with those needles for being so nosey.
6. I’m not sure I’d have the energy to keep up with a toddler at your age.
Polite answer: I guess I’ll be drinking a lot of Red Bull
What I really want to say: Honestly, I don’t plan on keeping up with them.
7. Are you worried about gaining more weight now that you’re older?
Polite answer: Yes, which is why I am doing my best to eat right and workout.
What I really want to say: Funny, I want to ask you the same question and you’re not even pregnant!
Do us all a favor and just don’t ask. Most of us are already pretty insecure about being pregnant over 40 so your best bet is simple, non-age related questions. Let us know you’re excited for us and that all babies are a blessing. If you absolutely have to ask us a question, ask us when we’re due or if we know it’s a boy or a girl and then we’re all happy.