December 13, 2010
PO Box 1234
Soap Box, CA 12345
First, a small piece of advice. It is WAY cooler to make the first letter of your product small case and then the second letter large case and then the rest small. For example, “iPhone”. Just my opinion. (And the 7,200 million people buying small case/large case products this holiday season) But, hey, it’s totally up to you. And? It might be too late at this point.
That was just some free advice. The REAL purpose of my letter is to tell you that I think you are completely misunderstood. The idea that you perpetuate violence? Oh pee shaw. That all of our boys are going to grow up to be gun slinging terrorists? Well. I am not buying it. Not for one second.
That would be like saying that Facebook has stolen our tween and teens boys’ desire to go on family vacations. Which is so untrue. Because? They all have smart phones. Duh. They can just bring Facebook with us. It’s actually because of the “family” part of family vacation. If you know what I mean.
Recently you came under fire for putting Kobe Bryant in your commercial holding an assault rifle. To be more accurate, it was Kobe who was mostly under fire. Parents were up in arms, pun TOTALLY intended, claiming Kobe should be a better role model for our children.
Gave me quite a chuckle. I mean seriously. Have these women lost their minds? Kobe Bryant. A role model? What does he have to do to get that myth dispelled? He cheated on his wife, admitted it in public, got accused of sexual assault and then went to trial. A role model indeed. The poor guy has worked hard to shed that label. It’s time these women let him off the hook.
Anyway. My point is, let that crap roll right off your back. Because Kobe’s image is not your problem. And seriously? How could it possibly be detrimental for our children to see a popular icon donning an assault rifle and shooting at Jimmy Kimmel? *eye roll*
Also? This idea that if teenagers play your games like, Call of Duty, Halo and Grand Theft Auto, they will go on killing sprees is a bit ludicrous don’t you think? I mean, we both know that once our boys start playing these games they are more likely to gain 500 pounds than they are to kill even a cockroach sitting on their abandoned school books. Which means? None of their plaid shirts and skinny jeans will fit them. So? They couldn’t possibly leave the house. Even if they wanted to.
I have watched my son become so addicted to Call of Duty, that he went on a three day, non-stop playing binge. He survived on sliced Velveeta cheese and milk straight from the carton. I was far more concerned that the fumes in the playroom would take him down than I was of him saving up his hard earned dollars, those that he didn’t spend on jelly beans, to buy an assault rifle.
And? That whole “live” portion? You know where they can chat with anyone in the world while playing? What is wrong with that? These kids need to make friends. And where else will they? Every time I send them out to play in the cul de sac? It’s empty.
Yes. I know there is potential for boys to get bullied. No problem. They can just invite them to play a game and then shoot the snot out of them. And? It’s all in fun. No one is taking it seriously. It’s a game people. Like back in the day when we all walked to and from school, uphill both ways, in two feet of snow? Remember. We played Cowboys and Indians. We shot at each other. We were pretending. *throws arms up in exasperation*
Also? I read a story online about kids receiving porn on Xbox Live. Yikes. Well. That is not good. But, then again, they have access to it on the laptop computers their parents allow them to keep in their bedrooms, on their smart phones and even their Kindle and Nook products now provide porn. To be clear, they just provide the access. They don’t actually supply the porn. So see. You are no worse than everything else. Which is a standard. Not a great one. But it is one.
Anyway, I have rambled on far too long. As usual. But? I couldn’t let this important buying season go by without letting you know there is a mother out there that sees the truth clearly.
Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I must sign off now as I have to go use the hammer, the two pronged side, to pry the controller out of my son’s hands. He is fifteen minutes late for his computer time and based on the dinging coming from his laptop, his friends are getting antsy.