no one can resist schweddy balls

If I had a category on this site titled, “Pick Your Battles,” that is where I would file this post. 

Schweddy Balls is a new flavor introduced by Ben & Jerry’s and the conservative group, One Million Moms, wants it banned. “The vulgar new flavor has turned something as innocent as ice cream into something repulsive,” the group posted on its website.

My God. Repulsive? Do they have boys? Any of them? This is only slightly eww, let alone disgusting or *gasp* “repulsive.” 

From their site: 

TAKE ACTION (This slays me. Seriously? TAKE ACTION?)

Please send Ben & Jerry’s Public Relations Manager, Sean Greenwood, an email letter requesting that no additional Schweddy Balls ice cream be distributed. Also, highly recommend they refrain from producing another batch with this name or any other offensive names or you will no longer be able to purchase their products.

Pull the stick out ladies. (That would be a great name in case you are reading B&J. With pretzels sticks in it maybe.) Unbutton a few buttons, let your hair down and for the love of all that is locker room, lighten up.

I told my teen boys about the ice cream and they were both laughing so hard they could barely breathe. When they finally caught their breath, they said in unison, “We are so buying that.” Then Noah said, “Schweddy balls,” and they both fell back into red faced, stomach clenching, tear filled hysteria. 

It reminded me of the time a few years back when the kids saw the name Albert Pujols for the first time. Keenan spotted it and came running into the room where the rest of us were sitting, “NOAH YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS,” he exclaimed with such excitement I was sure he had found that “special drawer” in my bedroom. Horrified, I followed them reminding myself to stick to the plan, “Those are flashlights that only parents can use.” 

Fortunately, I never had to explain. What Keenan wanted to show Noah was the name Pujols frozen on our television screen thanks to the pause button.

“Look,” he said. 

As Noah directed his eyes to the screen, Keenan sounded out the name for emphasis, “Poo holes,” he said.

I mean to tell you I was convinced one of them was going to pass out. They laughed for a good 15 minutes. The very second one of them stopped laughing the other would snort out “poo holes” and it was game on. When it seemed as if the fun was over and the laughter had finally subsided, I waited a calculated five minutes and said, “Poo holes.” Rolling across the floor in pain laughter. 

Perhaps we should ban Pujols from baseball for his “repulsive” name.

There are very serious issues facing our kids. Drugs, alcohol, sexually transmitted diseases, etc. The list is endless. These are major issues that will affect the outcome of our children’s lives. They detract. They are dangerous and can rob our children of their lives and innocence. Schweddy Balls ice cream? It’s nothing more than “potty talk.” Pick your battles ladies.

Seriously, would we women mind if they named an ice cream Schweddy va…never mind. Bad example. 


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