First comes love, second comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage. Something like that.
Little L has always been an easy baby and a fairly easy toddler, if there is such a thing. My husband claims that because we had no pretty stress free pregnancy and a go with the flow at attitude with Little L from the time she came home from the hospital. I personally believe that’s a bunch of hogwash and we just got lucky. I didn’t take prenatal victims in the first trimester, as a matter of fact; I didn’t see a doctor in the first trimester. I drank, I didn’t take care of my body, and everything else you should do in the first trimester. You see I didn’t find out I was pregnant until I was already 20 weeks along.
Though I’ve told the story over and over, I’ve never actually put the words on paper. I decided it’s time, but because the story is kind a long I’m going to do it in a series of blogs. Let’s start today with question everyone always wants to know.
I know what you’re thinking; I’ve heard it all before. “How could you not know you were pregnant?” “Didn’t you miss your period?” “Couldn’t you feel your body changing?” “Didn’t you start put on weight?” “How could you not know? I knew the moment it happened.”
So let’s quickly answer those questions. First, I’ve never had my period regularly, so it wasn’t abnormal for me to go months without my period. Second, yes I felt my body changing, but I was also planning our wedding, so I assumed it was the stress from all of that. Third, I didn’t put on weight, but I was dieting to make sure I fit in my dress. Finally, really ladies, THE MOMENT IT HAPPENED? Come on now! I sure as hell didn’t. Ok, yes, my boobs did get big. My husband just thought the booby fairy sent him a wedding gift.
So after our wedding we headed to Santorini for our honeymoon. Looking back now, there were tell-tale signs that something wasn’t right with me. None of the food sounded appealing and tasted even less appealing. All I wanted to eat with pasta. I’ve danced my whole life, so normally any type of cardio activity is no problem, but while on a casual hike I had old ladies passing me! I felt like I was going to die trying to make its to the top of this small incline. I was so frustrated that I cried, right there on the volcano. Most of the time all I wanted to do was sleep. I assumed my body was exhausted from all of the wedding stress.
When we flew back to the states we made plans for the upcoming Fourth of July holiday. Basically we made plans to drink for a whole weekend. And boy did we!! I was feeling a bit bloated that weekend, but I wrote it off to all the alcohol I was consuming. A girlfriend of mine walked up to me on the beach and asked if I had gotten a boob job. I stuck my chest out proudly and stated “no”. She then asks “are you pregnant” to which I responded meekly “no, I mean, I don’t think so”.
My husband and I went home that night talked about it and decided it’s just not possible. The next day I couldn’t get the thought out of my head. So that night, my dear sweet husband, of less than 2 month, took me to The Chart House for dinner and possibly one last drink. On the way home we stopped at a pharmacy and I made my dear husband ran inside to buy a test.
We got home and what’s the first thing I do? I proceeded to yell at him for buying the generic brand rather than a name brand. I went to the bathroom close the door, pee’d on my stick and sat on the floor. We both sat there on the bed and waited for what seemed like hours. When the time was ready to check the results, I made him look. It don’t remember clearly, but I recall him not being able to read it. So I walked over to check and there was my +sign.
I cried, he laughed. I was terrified, he was so excited. I wasn’t ready, he was ready the day he met me. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what our life was going to be like now, he could do nothing but imagine. When he finally realized wasn’t excited, became a little annoyed with me. This wouldn’t be the last time he was annoyed with my lack of enthusiasm.
Truth be told, I just wasn’t ready. I was terrified at the thought of being pregnant. I was terrified at the thought of giving birth. I was terrified at the thought of being somebody’s mom.
To be continued…